The Advertising Council is sponsoring a series of public service announcements this evening urging parents to talk with their children about violence. We speak with Mary Lewis Grow, national coordinator of the Student Pledge Against Gun Violence; and Judy Ladd, past president of the American Middle School Counselor Association and currently on the president's expert panel for violence prevention.
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(00:00:10) Good morning, and welcome to midday on Minnesota Public Radio. I'm Gary eichten. Glad you could join us. Well, if you turn on your TV between seven o'clock seven o'clock at eight o'clock. This evening odds are pretty good that you will see public service announcements urging parents to talk with their children about violence public service announcements will be aired on more than two dozen networks this evening blanketing the airwaves tonight. Then they're going to be run from time to time throughout the year the talk with your kids campaign grew out of a meeting at the White House held last spring at that time President Clinton urged movie and TV Executives to consider how the violence depicted in their programming affect young children, if the public service campaign works the way it's supposed to parents will sit down with her children and discuss the issue of violence and try to allay the fears. The kids may have as a result of the recent shootings in Littleton and Los Angeles. However, what is it that our that parents are actually supposed to tell their children how serious is the problem are most children really that afraid of violence in the schools joining us this hour to help talk about those issues and to take your questions is marry Louis grow from Northfield the national coordinator of the student pledge against gun violence. She was in Denver last week to kick off. This year's pledge drive also with us is Judy lad whose past president of the American Middle School Counselors Association. She's currently serving on the president's expert panel for violence prevention, and of course we invite you to join our conversation as well. What do you think about this ad campaign? Can it be helpful is your child worried about his or her safety? What? Can you tell your child to help them deal with whatever concerns they may have we invite you to give us a call here. Our Twin City area number is 6512276 thousand 6512 Seven six thousand if you're calling from outside the Twin Cities, you can reach us toll-free. And that number is 1-800-218-4243. 6102 422828. That's our number here to join our conversation on. Midday. Mary. Grow Judy lad thank you so much for joining us. (00:02:20) We're glad to be here (00:02:22) Mary. Let me begin with you. If I could please the Ad Council advertising Council says that tonight's ad campaign really is an unprecedented effort. How important in your mind is this public service announcement to campaign. (00:02:38) Well, I think I think it can only be a good thing to urge parents to talk to their to their children. I think that obviously is terribly important I would wish that they had included in the campaign. Concrete suggestions for things that both parents and young people can do and I think one of the things that has continually saddened me since the series of tragic school shootings has started is that no one is really offering young people themselves away that they can take action and that they can mobilize and which is one reason I think students have been responding so much to the invitation to join in the National pledge against gun violence, but I certainly think that any message that gets parents to think about talking more to their to their children is is good. I'm just not sure that it goes far enough (00:03:48) Judy lad are you confident that that most parents are many parents at least will respond to this kind of exhortation to sit their kids down and talk with them about This or is this just another one of those feel-good messages that kind of roll right over the tops of our heads. (00:04:09) Well, I think when we're stressing talking with young people and if a parent feels uncomfortable themselves even facing some of the issues surrounding violence. I don't think it'll go very far but I think there's another reciprocal part to that and many times students just need to be listened to so if parents initiate the topic even if they do not know what to say, but will allow their young people to really talk about situations and then problem solve with them. If you do feel that way, what would you do? Who would you turn to for help in the school setting? I think that they'll find a dialog will occur I think too frequently as parents. We feel we have to have all the answers and if we don't we avoid the topic and I certainly hope that this issue of school violence isn't treated in that same matter because no one has the answer really is a combination. Nation of efforts and energies but I would hope that the ads this evening will portray more the dialogue process that can occur from even taking the time to begin to address this as we start the new school (00:05:16) year. Hmm question for both of you. What's your sense are most children really concerned about this are they afraid that somebody will show up at their school armed and dangerous show up at their daycare as as it were is this something that kids are really concerned about (00:05:36) right now. Judy do you want to take that first? I think the word is concerned. Yes. Definitely. I think when we look at the communities that have been affected and we've seen through the medial media portrayal the looks of horror and shock and panic on the faces of young people. I think all of our youth can relate to that could happen to me. So I think the word concern is very appropriate as I've been with students. I found that many of them say as they walk into the classroom because last spring their thoughts were if it happened here, where would I exit this room? What would I do and these are students that you know one looks at a football player a student leader and thanks, why would they even be concerned about safety quote they can take care of themselves unquote, but when these thoughts are beginning to preoccupy and any reaction to trauma does create Hyper-vigilance where we're always anticipating what would happen? I found in the recent teleconferences. The young people are saying I'm concerned about violence. We're taking measures in our school. I feel safe. I'm not afraid to go back to school. But in the same breath, they're talking about the well, if it did happen here what I would do, so I'd say concern and I would even intensify that to say a high level of concern about safety in general in the school setting is prevalent among America's youth at all grade levels Mary. What's your reading? I have gotten a number of emails and letters and phone calls from from young people and sort of a cross the age range even as young as 12 and 13 from kids saying that they are scared and that these incidents really are frightening to them. I also get tons of real gratitude that that starting the possibility of taking part in a national pledge drive to get young people to commit not to use guns in school not to carry guns to school and not to use guns and settling disputes that they're they're very grateful that someone is giving them something to do and one of the things that I've discovered in workshops with young people and in talking to them is that whenever we talked about how we're going to make the school safer by putting in more metal detectors or getting more security guards or Whatever those measures maybe I think that young people really at least the ones that I'm talking to want to feel that there's more that they can do besides the metal detectors and the guard dogs and the security guards. I think that they really there are other measures that they would like to see tried first. And and I think that I got a very moving letter from a girl in I can't remember I think it was in Winona and she said that she was taking a college class and came back to school one day at one o'clock and there had been a threat and that her school hallways were filled with with guard dogs and and police officers and and it she said it just looked like a military camp and it was very very distressing to her and to her classmates and She wrote me and said I know that the day of national concern about young people and gun violence is in October. And I know that that that is the common day that you're asking young people to make this commitment against gun violence, but I hope it's all right that we went ahead and distributed the pledges now because we really felt that we needed as students to do something and she wrote me after they had distributed them and she said our hallways are now plastered with all the pledges that we find and she said it makes us feel a lot safer knowing that that we have made this commitment to ourselves and each other that that we are are going to be part of the solution ourselves. So I think I mean, I think it's important for adults and for the people in charge of safety of schools to take the measures that they feel are appropriate, but I keep hoping that we will pick up as a Message that we need to ask young people to be our partners in whatever Solutions were looking for because they don't like to be kept out of the equation. They want to feel that they've got some control and to some extent are and can be the authors of Their Own Destiny. And I think we have to be careful there to say the violent world that you were born into is not your fault. We're not blaming the victim but that's not the same thing as saying that you are without power and that each of you has the power within you to make good decisions that ultimately are probably going to be the biggest determinant of whether you stay safe or (00:10:58) not. Mary grow is with us. She is the national coordinator of the student pledge against gun violence joining us from the Washington DC area Judy lad who is past president of the American Medical middle schools Middle School Counselors Association currently serving on the president's expert panel for violence prevention. They've joined us this Our to talk about violence and children parents are going to be urged this evening in a series of public service announcements to talk with their children about all the violent incidents that have occurred try to allay their fears and and we thought this would be a good opportunity to try to find out a little bit more about how that conversation should proceed whether fears are realistic. Give us a call here if you'd like to join our conversations 6512276 thousand 6512276 thousand outside the Twin Cities. You can reach us toll-free. That number is 1-800-222-8477 thousand or one eight hundred two, four two two eight two eight four Scholars from Albany Robin. Go ahead place. (00:12:09) Yes your honor. Good morning. Good morning. I have a daughter who's just about 13 going into junior high. And I would agree that children and their parents have the power and should be aware of what's going on around them. I also worry about walking a fine line with extra security and and bunker mentality type of thing. I don't want the kids to get so scared that they'll never feel safe yet. We want them to feel safe. But I also want to touch on sort of small town versus large town when I talk to my neighbors. There's almost as feeling of it can't happen here. We're still safe. But if you look around, you know, it can happen anywhere and it does and when I talk to my daughter about it, she has a hard time with it, but we have talked about it and she thinks it's a good idea to have the support groups and parents and others concern, but she also worries, you know, will it come to metal detectors and guns and and almost be like a prison rather than a comfortable place to learn and still be safe. (00:13:18) Okay. Thanks Robin. (00:13:21) Robin one of the things that I think you and your daughter could address in your conversations is the fact that when we have in our schools a strong connection where young people are feeling appreciated and valued and part of the system and not outside of it. It really does do a great deal to reduce the risk factors. The other point that we've seen operating in our middle schools deals with young people being willing to step forward privately confidentially, but step forward to alert someone to unusual behavior or rumors. If you will that so-and-so is carrying a gun or a weapon to school. I think that there's a lot in our schools and in our communities a lot more that we need to do to empower the young people to feel comfortable to take those steps and also to empower the Adults, I know that I've worked with parents who have come in to say. Well, you know, I kind of knew that was going to happen. I had suspicions and yet they didn't feel comfortable coming to the school or letting the authorities know so that we could act in a preventive way to curb any kind of disasters. So the encouragement that you're giving your daughter about talking about the situation making her feel comfortable that adults will take her concern seriously and that if she does have information or she or her friends to share that it can be treated in a respectful private way and not to create more tension among the peers if she would, you know come forward and talk about it. I think these are the types of empowerment's that will enable the authorities to run safe school programs without having to go to the extremes that you're talking about where it does look like a military (00:15:16) compound. Is it difficult to find that happy medium? You will where you can make it clear talk to the kids about the dangers that are at least potentially there. But but not scare the Daylights out of them to the point where they think the whole world is out to get them. How do you find that that balance? (00:15:41) From my point of view the more resources and individual has to rely upon the more comfortable. They are if their resources only their parent or only the school counselor only the eighth particular teacher and they can't get to that individual at a moment of need. It makes them feel more vulnerable. So I would say to create the balance you're talking about Gary the more identified resources and the more let's say problem solving skills that the young person has and you know, we talk about the parents role and talking with their kids. I think we Overlook too frequently the real Authority that the parent has with their children many times we think as you reach high school that you know, our kids quote don't listen to us, but I think the authority is the correct word they do look to us for protection. They look to us for advice even though sometimes they don't like to take it and I think when marry Louis was talking about empowering the students, I think there's a lot more we need to do to point out to parents what they do in their home that day to day can make a difference one of my pet peeves is the word sibling rivalry in many cases. I think we've just given a label and almost an excuse to allow peers to our brothers and sisters to verbally put down or even physically harassed their siblings and these young people are the ones that come into the school then and feel like well, I know what it feels like to have this happen to me. So now I'm going to pass this on to somebody else because I can't seem to get satisfaction at home or I can't cope with it. When parents realize that by intervening not just sending the kids to their rooms or breaking up a situation but teaching them how to communicate how it feels when these things happen to them to help them problem solve and resolve the conflict. What a parent is doing is setting up a way that the young people can win everyone can win and when that's modeled in the home because the home is truly our first and most significant learning environment is carried over into the school environment. I know as a parent I was never trained in conflict resolution and we like to thank well it's common sense. But it really isn't it is a purposeful act that a parent must take to say I know this is taking a lot of my time to help my young children resolve their sandbox conflicts, but in the long run, it can provide a safer environment because the young people have resources Outlets people to turn to and I think that that's an important message that I hope will come out. Out of me. I had campaigns that it's not just talking to the young people. It's modeling for them coaching and working with them on the day-to-day life skills. We solve problems all the time, but many times our young people our children. Don't see how we did it. They only see the end result it was done and helping them participate in the process with us frequently. Is that missing link that again builds confidence competence as well as confidence in solving things and at the American school counselor Association where I've recently just been president. I know that we are working with a lot of school Personnel. We're working with a family education Network and with America's promise in terms of helping parents feel more competent in helping the young people deal with conflict and communication Judy and I were actually on another radio show the other night together and one of the things that we were Talking about them which I think is relevant to this conversation is that it's harder to talk about an issue. If you're doing it simply in the abstract and I don't mean to sound like a one-note band here, but I think that one of the reasons that I really want to urge communities to participate in this year's day of national concern about young people and gun violence is because it gives a focal point. It gives concrete action and I have found through years of addressing the issue of violence that people will talk more together. If there's a concrete set of actions that they are that they are focusing their conversation around and I think that having this national day of concern about young people and gun violence brings together. I've seen this in the last three years that this observances In an effect that it brings people together, it creates Partnerships within communities and if school counselors, if you have City Health Department's if you have the public schools, if you have faith communities, if you have Police Department's if you have the corporate Community coming together and saying, how are we going to plan a really meaningful observance for our community around a day of national concern about young people and gun violence those conversations will take place and partnership will develop. I mean, I've seen this happen again. And again, I'm actually calling I'm talking to you this morning from an office at Honeywell Honeywell has been one of the spear heads for the group that you probably know about in Minnesota Minnesota heels, which is a partnership of private corporations state. Cease (00:21:24) and that's the kind of thing that would help alleviate the concern that you don't want to scare the scare the kids to the point of this bunker mentality that the caller referred to but take precautions. (00:21:37) But well, I think that that what I have seen happen over the last few years is that when you get a number of sectors of the community getting together to plan an observance like a day of national concern about young people and gun violence, they pool their ideas, they share their their their thoughts their strategies and mean I'm going to be leaving this conversation and going into a meeting with people from from the Department of Children families and learning and the public schools school safety people the Department of Public Safety private corporations and were all pooling our ideas about how we can get across the most important messages to young people about staying safe do all that we can but give them a role to play to and I think that having a concrete tangible observance to plan around gives us a chance to come together and not just parents not just ministers or rabbis or other other leaders and Faith communities, but it gives all of us a chance to say to young people how very very much they matter to us how important they are that they're our future and what happens to one person in a community affects all of us so that they matter tremendously and and then also to stress to them the power that they do have individually and collectively and I think I would just like to hold out the possibility that we that we we just cannot be too ambitious for our young people in suggesting to them that they can be the generation that that decides collectively they will end gun violence and I think that that we're more Likely to come together and have these conversations if we have a concrete focal point that brings us together. (00:23:32) Jerry Lewis grow is with us. She is the national coordinator of the student pledge against gun violence Judy lad joins us as well past president of the American middle middle school Counselors Association currently serving on the president's expert panel for violence prevention big Public Service ad campaign will be appearing on your television this evening TV sets about two dozen networks or so are participating urging parents to talk with their kids about the issue of violence, especially in light of the recent shooting incidents. And we thought today would be a good opportunity to talk a little bit about what it is that parents and kids should be talking about. Let me give you the number here. All our lines are busy and we'll be getting to some more callers here in just a couple of minutes but jot the number down because it like to have you participate six five one two, two seven six thousand outside the Twin Cities 1-800 two for two. Two eight two eight Lutheran's vote on an alliance with the episcopalians that would allow for an exchange of clergy. (00:24:31) We've got to have that exchange of clergy so that are an Episcopal clergy person in serve a Lutheran Congregation of Vice Versa. (00:24:39) I am Bob hotter, we'll have that story and all the news tomorrow on Morning Edition 529 here on Minnesota Public Radio camera wfm 91.1 in the Twin Cities over the noon hour today second hour of our midday program. We're heading off to the National Press Club, but here from Cynthia trudell who is the first woman to ever work as CEO of a major US automaker. She is the head of the Saturn Corporation. She speaking at the Press Club today at noon. Today's programming is supported by listeners who have named Minnesota Public Radio as a beneficiary in their estate plans news headlines now, here's Eric Janssen Eric. Thanks Gary. Good morning, the United States France Germany and many other countries are taking part in. Massive earthquake relief effort in Turkey sending Searchers dogs and donations a 70-member rescue team from Fairfax. Virginia is arriving today as Aid pours in from abroad at Rescuers continue to dig through the rubble of thousands of collapsed buildings in Turkey. So far yesterday's powerful Quake is blamed for close to thirty five hundred deaths and about 17,000 injuries first. He quit the Republican party now, New Hampshire Senator Bob Smith, May quit the race for the White House. He says he would be an independent rather than seek the nomination of the US taxpayers party and with his wife in the hospital. He's hinting he me drop the race altogether. The US Coast Guard is involved in a big search on Lake Michigan for a man and his two young daughters. They set sail Sunday from Chicago and we're supposed to return the next day only their boat has been found. It shows no signs of weather trouble or mechanical problems. Common cause of Minnesota has filed a complaint with the state department of employee relations over over Governor Ventura has appearance at a wrestling match next Sunday the complaint accuses Ventura of violating state law by using his position as Governor to gain benefits not available to Minnesota citizens a u.s. Canadian commission has recommended any proposed sales of Great Lakes water be suspended the international Joint Commission is proposing a six-month moratorium on sale of Great Lakes water while a study determines whether there's enough to export authorities have arrested two suspects in the beating death of a 28-year old man outside his home on the Mille Lacs Indian Reservation their Garrison authorities say, they don't have a motive and our sorting out the details scattered showers and thunderstorms in eastern and southern Minnesota this morning then a chance of showers and thunderstorms in the Southeast this afternoon partly sunny skies in the north west with highs from the lower 70s to the low 80s this afternoon some current conditions for you. St. Cloud reports cloudy skies and 64 degrees cloudy and Rochester and 67 degrees Sioux Falls mostly He 76 degrees and in the Twin Cities cloudy a little bit of rain and 70 degrees. I'm Eric Janssen and back to Gary eichten with midday. Thank you Eric. It is 26 minutes before noon. This is midday on Minnesota Public Radio. We've been joined this hour by Judy lab past president of the American Medical Middle School Counselors Association. She's with the president's expert panel for violence prevention. Marry Louis grow as with us National coordinator of the national of the student pledge against gun violence and they have joined us today to talk about Campaign, which is being launched this evening. Lots of Public Service tv ads will be shown this evening urging parents to talk with their children about violence and allay some of the fears that may have been generated by the Spate of shootings recently again, let me give you the phone number here. We have a full Bank of callers, so don't dial right now you'll just get frustrated, but if you have a question, Try us here in a few minutes, six, five. One two two seven six thousand or one eight hundred two four two two eight two eight Patty is on the line from Kimball. Go ahead (00:28:19) Patty. Hi at the end of the last school year my daughter who was in fifth grade and I attended a middle school not in Kimball was threatened along with two of her classmates an anonymous threat was written on a wall in the school and we received a lot of support from the principal and the teachers and the police and the year ended without incident which was wonderful, of course and turned out that it was indeed just a threat or a prank or whatever but it was a very frightening experience. And now that it's about time to start school again. My daughter's about to enter sixth grade. She recently mentioned to me. I don't really think that anything's going to happen. But I do feel kind of scared about going back to school and I am looking for concrete ways to talk to her and to calm her field fears. What was the nature of the threat? It said something like I will kill and the names of the three actually it came in two different days. First day was I will kill the names of these two children on the last day of school at a certain time is very specific. And then the next day it said I will also kill my daughter's name and and did they find out who had written the threats they tell me that they did but they can't tell me who it was or anything that's happened since then. Your daughter must have gone through quite a period of trying to figure out what she may have done to have been linked with this group or to offended someone, you know, one of the the other children was a very good friend of hers. And yeah, it was it was hell very very tight and very frightening have you reviewed with her at this point? It sounds as if you have very good communication with her and that she's comfortable talking with you about the situation have you talked with her about the resources when she goes back to school? What would she do if I know we don't like to dwell on the negative but actually anticipating what you would do can sometimes bring very powerful. Feelings that I can cope and I'm confident the other thing. I'm wondering about you know, in some communities. We do find ourselves perceived to be part of clicks or we may have done something unintentionally. Is this the school where they're having a lot of programs to help the young people feel connected and yeah, actually I yeah, actually I have been very pleased with with this particular school and the principal and the guidance counselor in the programs that they do have in place that they worked very hard on you no sense of school community and peer helpers and you know, all those sorts of things and peer mediating and you know, they they have each year. They have a school motto sort of thing that that talks about respecting one another and that's when working and yes, it is wonderful and still you. This sort of thing of course can happen and you know, I guess there certainly isn't an easy (00:31:47) answer. Thanks for call Patty. Thank you. Appreciate it. Let's move on to another caller Joe joins us from Rochester Joe. Go ahead. (00:31:56) Hello at the beginning of your program your host. Marry Louis grow commented that there aren't a lot of resources for parents to help them talk about the issue. I wanted to share one resource that I think is excellent. It's a program called teen files the truth about hate. It's been broadcast publicly twice now last time it was on UPN stations. I know and it can be purchased for $39.90. It's a program in which groups of teens were located who have a particular bias one group had a bias against Jewish people and other group headed biased against African American people so on so forth each group of teens is interviewed and allowed to express their belief system. They're prejudiced, you (00:32:50) know, (00:32:51) and then the teens agree to participate in a learning experience. So for example, the teens who were biased against Jewish people sat down and visited with a woman who went through the Nazi war camps herself and lost some of her family members and they simply listen to her story and had an opportunity to ask her questions. And so at the end of The Learning Experience, they realize that many of the beliefs that they held are wrong, you know, and they and they express the change in their thinking and it's a very powerful example of how when young people have strong biases and prejudices and they have an opportunity to Really sit down and visit with and hear the stories of people that they're prejudiced against its effective in helping them learn. (00:33:48) What's the name of the video? (00:33:49) Again? The name is teen files the truth about hate and it can be purchased online at www.teamvedoe.com. Multimedia.com. That's a IMF - multimedia.com. Okay. Thanks Joe. I noticed in the news article today that appeared in the Washington Post. They're also citing a 1-800 Child 44 where parents and Educators can get booklet to talk about the issue and perhaps that would give some more concrete information as well. Yeah, I think it's really valuable. I made a note of this team files the truth about hate. I think the more the more resources that we can all share with each other the better and I know Judy I hope you'll tell. People about the early warning first response that you that you worked on. I wanted to mention also there's going to be launched very soon a internet program by for and about teens called teen web talk.com. It's an internet broadcast, but I think that there will be lots of ideas for young people on that and and young people will have a chance to link up via the Internet to exchange their own ideas. I'd also like to give people the website for the student pledge against gun violence and the day of concern it's w-w-w dot pledge dot-org and there are lots and lots of ideas there that go beyond just the student pledge. I mean they're they're several books that I think are wonderful for either parents or teachers or Librarians to know about because there are ways to Books to talk to young people in age-appropriate ways about even something as scary as gun violence one that even is appropriate for preschool children and younger elementary school children is share each Essence book called The Corpse gift and the gorp is a little creature who swallows some ink and he wants to spit it out to form meaningful words, and he keeps coming out and random letters and he goes to visit his friends and and finally at the end he's able to make the ink make the words that he wants which are that that guns hurt and that children should assume that any gun. They see is loaded and promised the Corp they won't touch it. And then there's Mary Beth Florida Keys just one flick of a finger. It's available from dial Publishers and a book. That's that would provide wonderful possibilities for discussion is Walter Dean Myers Newbery honor award book scorpions. (00:36:40) And we can find all these books listed or referenced in the www dot pledge dot-org, right? Okay. Let's go back to the phones bath here. Comment Place. Hello. Yes. You're on the air (00:36:52) bath. Thank you very much for taking my call just quickly. There is also a pamphlet that I got from my daughter's school and I'm trying to remember the exact name of it. I think it was part of the you can make the piece. Yes, Grandma, whatever. Yes, I thought that was really her and I went through that and I thought that was really helpful and you know and just talking about violence and respect for other people in general and accepting people are different, you know, the differences and but I also wanted to mention is the the Columbine shooting, you know, I talked to her of course about it right when it happened and she wasn't real forthcoming with her feelings about it, and I thought you know I could just all it seemed like everyone in the country was running on trying to figure out what happened and how and what can we do and why and you know, as adults we have a hard time making, you know trying to come to some, you know, getting our thoughts together. And so I kept talking to her about it, you know, I was trying not to push her but I would bring it up over the next few days and I was really surprised when night when I just said, you know, so has anybody, you know been talking about it in your school. What are the kids saying and she finally this was like four days later. She just broke down and started crying and she was 10 and she said Mom I don't want to go to high school. Look at how mean the kids are they're so mean to each other that they drive other kids to shoot them. And you know, I I don't know if I would have gotten her to open up had I just dropped it after the first or second, you know attempted getting her to share her feelings with me. So I think You know, we have a hard time trying to figure out how to talk about this. It's even harder for a 10 or 11 or 12 year old to even realize the effect that it has on them. Subconsciously. I think it takes kind of gentle prodding and if they don't talk about it, don't just you know, drop the ball and think oh, well, they don't have any opinions and they're not really affected because I think you know I found out she was I think that points out a very necessary statement at this point and that there isn't a set timeline of when people should feel certain things or what they should do about them. There also is not a prescription for how people should feel and in a school setting where people are seeking young people are seeking to be like everyone else to be normal. Sometimes they put pressure on each other. Well, why don't you feel this way or how come you're not crying about it? And I think what you've talked. That is a very important role for the parent and that is being available and not putting a child on a timeline and not making assumptions trauma of any kind. I know I was headed to the airport the day after Littleton and two girls that normally stand at their bus stop and chitter-chatter the whole way very animated that morning. It was a very humid foggy morning. They set dejected on the curb not talking to each other just staring and I realized that we were 3,000 miles away for the from the incident and yet I have to assume that it had a major impact because we had been inundated with information from the media and certainly this had to have been on their minds and again stressing the fact that there is no one way to respond some people get angry because it makes them feel helpless that they can't do anything others feel very sad others don't want to talk about it. They don't want to have to confront and many parents are going through the sea. Allure emotional range but maybe at a different time frame you were ready to talk. You were prepared to talk with your child about it and to listen it sounds like which is very important and she wasn't ready yet. I think most of the traumas in life. We don't you know, as soon as the the incident is over we expect things to recover quickly and they don't and as we approach the next event, for example, the opening of school is the next event there has to be anxiety that surrounds that how each child will respond to that how each parent will respond to it and teacher is different and I think again with the program's you're talking about respecting differences. We also have to respect that each individual has a different emotional way to (00:41:23) respond Mary. I'm wondering these conversations parents and and their children and school officials and Cho children and schools on do the Primarily help allay student fears help give them a way to deal with their concerns or is there any kind of preventive part of this? Is there is there any evidence to indicate that these conversations would convince a child not to become (00:41:56) violent. Well, I think I think that it is one suggestion. I would make to the previous caller and I am I want to just refer back to the pamphlet. She mentioned that you can make the piece. I think if if I'm correct. I think that was put out by the Department of Children families and learning in Minnesota. And I think it's a wonderful message that that changing the climate begins with each of us and I would I would suggest that one thing when children Express these fears that that we might do. Is is ask them for their ideas about what they think they can do to help with their friends to change the climate because I think the minute you give young people the sense that there is something that they can do if there are cliques in the school or children who are unkind to each other that's something that groups of students it can radiate out and I think one of the things that we can do with with young people is to try to say this has become my Mantra that violence is not inevitable. It's not like an earthquake. It's not like a tornado. It's not something over which people have no control violence is the sum total of individual decisions and just as the message of you can make the piece it begins with you. I think stressing to young people that your decisions that you make then spread. To your friends your friends decisions spread to their friends and that collectively there are things that young people can do even in their own School environment and and nationally and I think that that's it always helps alleviate fear. If you give young people someplace to start with something that they can do. (00:44:00) Let's get at least one more caller on here before we wrap up Cory. Go ahead. (00:44:04) Please get my call. I was just gonna put my two cents in about the national coverage. It's kind of like it seems with his gun violence. It's all over the news with the Columbine and you hear all these incidents, but they're very isolated. I mean just because they're on the news. It seems like there's such a big event and yet I think parents and people in general don't talk about them in the right frame of mind. I think that we need to discuss them as individual events and bring up the part about So responsibility, I mean the things that we all should be teaching our kids every day and and turn the TV off or or or something. I wish the news media would not sensationalize it so much. I think it's I think that's one of the biggest changes in society, you know, the and the other side of that would be the the teachers and and people in positions of responsibility kind of having their hands tied by some of the legal and social things that are happening with Society where they can't step in and play the part. They need to play parents included and just and tell the be able to tell their kids and people under their care. This is the way we handle these things and just be in a positive way instead of seeing all these sensationalize reports on TV and actually the recent studies release show that we have decreased the amount of violent crime in the age group of school-age children. It's just that the events themselves sing. Early are so spectacular the way they portrayed that it does heightened. I think the fear aspect don't you think it's very much like the way people respond when there's a plane crash. I mean, we all know that statistically we're very very safe flying we're safer than we are in cars, but when there's a when there's a plane crash. I mean I've had this experience. I'm sure any of us who fly have of hearing about a plane crash the very day that you're going to be getting on a plane and going someplace and it just puts a sort of cold hand of fear on the back of your neck and you think it happened it can happen. If something that can happen and I do think that the previous caller is is right that we have to keep in perspective that as horrifying as these incidents are they are very rare and they are the exception nonetheless. I think that that it is to put our heads in the sand to say that because we come from Small rural town or a suburban community the it can't happen here that I think that that we need to know that with the easy availability of guns that that any Community is one trigger pull away from a tragedy, but then we also have to keep as the caller said we have to keep the perspective that it could happen. And there are things we must do to try to prevent it's happening again, but we do need to reassure children that it is something that's that's rare and unlikely, but I also think that that doesn't let us off the hook from doing whatever we can to make children feel safer and to do what we can (00:47:20) folks. Unfortunately, we're out of time but I sure appreciate your joining us today. (00:47:25) Thank you. Thank you for having us to be here. (00:47:27) Marry. Louis grow is joined us for she is the national coordinator of the student pledge against gun violence. Judy lad has been with us as well past president of the American Middle School Counselors Association currently serving on the president's expert panel for violence prevention again this evening. If you have your TV on you may very well notice a raft of public service announcements urging parents Across America to talk with their kids about this issue of violence, especially in light of the most recent shooting incidents. You can look for those between 7:00 and 8:00 tonight. Then I guess they're going to continue to run those campaigns for the rest of the Year. This is midday in Minnesota Public Radio. There's a new sound beginning August 28. The Jazz image will are each and every Saturday here on NPR's news and information stations. This is Lake Hammond inviting you to join us. We kick it off from the Minnesota State Fair Saturday nights at 7 beginning August 28 that's here on Minnesota Public Radio. KN o WF M 91.1 in the Twin Cities. It's 5 minutes now before noon Cynthia trudell at the Press Club is coming up over the noon hour right now time for the Riders Almanac