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LEANNE HAINSBY: One year ago today, the nation was focused on the denouement of what had been until September 11, the worst act of terrorism ever on American soil. Timothy McVeigh was executed on June 11, 2001. In 1995, 168 people died when he pulled a truck bomb up to a federal building in Oklahoma City. Kay Fulton lost her brother, Paul, a federal customs agent. Kay lives in Red Wing, Minnesota. For the last seven years, she's been an activist testifying before Congress on anti-terrorism legislation. She also volunteered to witness McVeigh's death by execution.

JOHN YDSTIE: In the weeks leading up to the execution, Fulton started keeping an audio diary. It was intended to document her personal feelings at seeing her brother's murderer die. Then September 11 happened, and the focus of Kay's diary changed. Kay Fulton's story was produced with American Radioworks.

PAUL: It's 9:45 PM Monday night, January 13, 1992. We're surveillance on--

KAY FULTON: This is a recorder I found shortly after the bombing that Paul was making a tape of during a surveillance he was on.

PAUL: OK, we're getting my Shaivas house one more time. The Mercedes is, I believe, blue boy papa, papa 53 Romeo.

KAY FULTON: It's not a real good quality tape, but it's the only recording I have of his voice.

PAUL: There's also a pickup that there was a man. And the door opens.

KAY FULTON: He was just 42 years old and very accomplished he was. He had just retired a few months before from Marine Corps Reserves as a Lieutenant Colonel. He was a senior special agent with US Customs. He was a marathon runner. He was a pilot. He had his own plane. He loved his country. And his entire adult life was spent in the service of his country. So I didn't just lose a brother, but you lost someone also.

The bombing, that moment when I saw it happen, and I felt it happen, it's not weighing on my mind every day like Paul's memory is. This is always, always with you. I mean, every day I miss Paul. And I think about him every day.

SPEAKER: Good evening. A week from tomorrow, one of this country's most hated criminals will be put to death.

SPEAKER: And a Red Wing woman will be among the few selected to watch the historic and controversial event.

KAY FULTON: I got the call, I think, it was on Wednesday the 18th. I won a seat to view the execution. And I was so thrilled.

SPEAKER: For six years, she's worked to keep McVeigh out of her thoughts.

KAY FULTON: I haven't in the last six years spent a lot of time being angry with McVeigh because that would make me have to stop and think about him. And it would have to acknowledge his existence for me.

SPEAKER: They receive a lethal injection in this chamber at the federal prison in Terre Haute, Indiana.

KAY FULTON: I'm not expecting any surprises. I personally always thought life imprisonment would be the consummate penalty for some horrific crime. Lethal injection is really so humane. I mean, you just go to sleep, and it's just so fast. But now I've changed my mind about the death penalty. And I want and I need to know that Tim McVeigh is going to face those few moments of extreme and utter fear and terror, that something that in a lifetime of imprisonment they're never subjected to. If for just that split second McVeigh just turns inside out with fear, maybe this is the right thing.

I'm somewhere in between Chicago and Indianapolis. It's late. It's dark. And everybody on the train is asleep. So I'm trying to be really quiet. Choosing the train has been the right choice for me because I've really had a chance to just calm down. And I think tomorrow when I get up, then I can face just what it is I'm getting ready to walk into. But now it's just nice, just this quiet sound of the train. And then there's a guy snoring next to me. So--

[CHUCKLES]

BOYD HUPPERT: We met up with Kay Fulton on the banks of Terre Haute's Wabash River, a safe two miles from the media onslaught at the federal prison where tomorrow morning, she will witness the execution of the man who killed her brother.

KAY FULTON: It's Sunday about 10 o'clock, and I'm with Boyd Huppert with Channel 11 KARE. And we're getting ready to do an interview. Here we go. Is it OK if I keep my sunglasses on because I'll be squinting really badly? And then I'll get a headache. I really do.

BOYD HUPPERT: A few hours after we talked, Kay reported to the prison. She and the other witnesses were briefed on what to expect and taken to a secret location to spend the night even she did not know where.

SPEAKER: Thank you. Death penalty advocates and opponents are demonstrating here on the prison grounds. CBS News correspondent--

SPEAKER: And at Precisely 4:12 began a 168-minute silent candlelight vigil.

SPEAKER: Timothy James McVeigh has been executed by lethal injection. He was pronounced dead at 7:14 AM Central Daylight Time. McVeigh's body will be released to a representative of his family.

KAY FULTON: Hi, it's Monday 8:00 AM. It's just an hour after the execution. And it is over with. I am just on my way to the media area to do some interviews. But actually I feel really good. There's been a great cloud lifted. I'm so relieved. There's such a weight lifted. And I will be back with you guys later. Bye.

Hi, it's still Tuesday. I am in the car. I'm on driving from Terre Haute back to Indianapolis to get home. But I wanted as early as I could to tell you about the actual execution and then try to talk to you about emotionally what's been going on.

When I saw him, I was really taken aback. For six years, the pictures I've seen of him-- he's a cocky, arrogant-- I'm sorry, he was a cocky, arrogant, strong-looking, tanned, proud, defiant. And when they open that curtain and I saw him, it didn't even look like the same person. He was gaunt. But it was his color. He was just hasty-looking. His head was almost shaved. He turned his head to his right and looked at our window for a few seconds. And then he laid his head back down.

Then they announced that the first drug had been introduced. And it was a while. I almost had the feeling he was trying to fight it, or maybe it just takes that long to take effect. But it seemed like a long time to me. And I did see-- after the second drug was introduced, the one that slows the breathing, I saw the little puff of air come out of his mouth. And I like to think that I watched him take his last breath. And here goes the truck. Hold on.

[TRUCK ENGINE RUMBLING]

During the execution, I took my picture of Paul. And since I was in front, I was able to put Paul's picture right up against the glass and although McVeigh could not see the picture. Symbolically, it was a way for me to let my brother watch his murderer die. And I don't know if that's anything Paul would have wanted. And I don't know. I don't know. I hope I did the right thing for him.

Spot, come here, honey. It's Sunday the 17th, six days after the execution. And I'm back home. And I haven't done anything because I was just so physically exhausted when I got back. I have no regrets about being there. But it would really hurt to think that people condemn me because this was something I needed to do.

[MUSIC PLAYING]

JOHN YDSTIE: In a moment when Kay Fulton's diary continues, families from Oklahoma City meet the victims of the terrorist attacks that happened nine months ago today.

KAY FULTON: These people who are so in the infancy of this grieving process would come up to me. And I see where we were 6 and 1/2 years ago in this, again, just vacant look in their eyes of just utter shock.

[MUSIC PLAYING]

LEANNE HAINSBY: You're listening to All Things Considered from NPR News.

JOHN YDSTIE: From NPR News, this is All Things Considered. I'm John Ydstie.

LEANNE HAINSBY: And I'm Leanne Hainsby. Kay Fulton hoped that by witnessing the execution of her brother's killer, she could close the chapter on the Oklahoma City bombing. The events of September 11 made that impossible. We continue now with her audio diary.

KAY FULTON: We heard a big bang, and then we saw smoke coming out. And everybody started running out. And we saw the plane on the other side--

SPEAKER: The Pentagon is gone. The--

SPEAKER: United States will hunt down and punish those responsible for these cowardly acts.

KAY FULTON: Today on September 11, I was getting ready to go to work. The minute I turned the television on, there was some reliving Oklahoma City because people running down the street and crisis. And after watching coverage all day on September 11, I knew I had to go to New York. I did make a call to find out if anything was in the works to get some of the other Oklahoma City families to New York.

SPEAKER: The first time Diana left-- Diana rocked in.

KAY FULTON: We're having dinner at John's Pizza in Manhattan. And I met Anthony Gardner who lost his brother Harvey in the World Trade Center. Anthony has organized this family exchange between Oklahoma City families and New York families. One of the topics that came up during the dinner was the compensation fund that some of the New York families are being offered. And Anthony certainly had a few words to say about that.

ANTHONY GARDNER: The wrong information was out there. The press kept saying that every family was going to get $1.65 million. We were getting hate mail. I got a woman that told me to go F myself. That my brother would be ashamed of me.

SPEAKER: And these, again, are people who-- they're not families themselves.

ANTHONY GARDNER: No.

SPEAKER: They're just outside people

SPEAKER: The day that it happened, the September the 11th, it affected every one of us from Oklahoma City.

SPEAKER: Yes.

SPEAKER: I agree.

SPEAKER: Yes.

SPEAKER: The same way you did you guys--

SPEAKER: It brought everything back.

SPEAKER: It brought everything thing back.

SPEAKER: Absolutely. Absolutely.

SPEAKER: And it never goes away. And that's what we're trying to teach you guys. It don't go away. It gets better.

SPEAKER: Right.

SPEAKER: But you learn to live with it.

SPEAKER: You learn to live with it.

KAY FULTON: This is my last night in New York. It's Thursday night. And I guess it's probably about 7:30 PM. Being here-- there was such a nice bond, a sad bond. Just to have someone there who has been in a similar position is somehow comforting. It was for me when Victoria Cummock was there for us. And Victoria lost her husband on Pan Am 103. And I think some of those people, they would just come up to us and touch us. And they were as sorry for our loss as we were for theirs.

SPEAKER: I get so busy. I am so busy.

[BLEEP]

SPEAKER: Thank you for calling on this anniversary of my brother's murder. Please know how much your thoughts and support has meant to me and my parents. Your kind message will be most valued.

SPEAKER: You are watching Oklahoma's News Channel 4 at 10:00.

KAY FULTON: It's April 19, 2002, the seventh anniversary of the Oklahoma City bombing.

KEVIN: And I'll share it. Alec.

ALEC: Well, that's right, Kevin. Several families from New York City traveled here to Oklahoma to participate in the anniversary events tomorrow. But many of them say they share a special bond with Oklahoma even though most of them--

SPEAKER: You know one of the New York families? I'm one of the people who's gone to New York a couple of times. Hi, guys. No, no.

SPEAKER: She's looking for you.

SPEAKER: OK. I'm so glad you came.

SPEAKER: By the Gods are--

SPEAKER: Us in Oklahoma City. It has been seven years. But for others, it has just been seven months since the attacks on the World Trade Center, the Pentagon, and the downed flight in Shanksville, Pennsylvania.

SPEAKER: On September 11, all of us came to realize that the attack that took place here was the first but unfortunately not the last of what will be a long war against terrorism.

SPEAKER: The United States customs service will always remember Claude Arthur Medeiros and Paul De Ice.

SPEAKER: The United States Department of Agriculture honors and remembers our family members, Rita and her long--

KAY FULTON: Today is Saturday, April 20, the day after the anniversary, seventh anniversary. And all the New York people have gone home. And I just wanted to come down to the memorial again after the big crowds were gone. And it's a very misty, cloudy day. And it's quiet and tranquil. There's a few visitors here. But looking out on the reflecting water is nice. It's still. And at some point during the day, it hit me Tim McVeigh portrayed himself as a patriot.

If September 11, had happened before April 19, 1995, if he had witnessed what had happened to our country, I wonder if he might have used his anger, or restlessness, or whatever you would call it to maybe go fight the terrorists instead of focusing on his own fellow citizens.

I can't see coming back every single year for this. I mean, there's always 902. On April 19 for me will always be a memorial on my part. But this was important because the New York people were going to be here and for them to see that on an anniversary of this terrorist act that we can be with friends, and we can laugh. We can talk about things other than this, and you're not totally consumed by what happened here.

This has just been an unbelievable journey. These seven years has just-- it's just amazing how much has happened. The people that I've met, the anniversaries, witnessing the execution and getting past that, and then September 11 happening, and it was so awful what happened to us on April 19. But it's a different life for me now.

LEANNE HAINSBY: Kay Fulton lives in Red Wing, Minnesota. To see pictures of Kay and her brother Paul and hear more of Kay's diary entries, click on our website at npr.org.

JOHN YDSTIE: Our story was produced by Stephen Smith and Sasha Aslanian and edited by Deborah George. American Radioworks is the documentary project of Minnesota Public Radio and NPR News.

[MUSIC PLAYING]

LEANNE HAINSBY: You're listening to All Things Considered from NPR News.