Transcripts

ADRIANNE: The first thing that comes to mind for me is how grateful I am that I am out to my family and that I have been since I was 19 and that I never really felt like I was in a closet. That's the first thing that comes to mind, is not necessarily, OK, I'm in a start coming out to other people because I've been out, but just a real sense of gratitude for the relationship I have with my family and how open it is.

SPEAKER: Was it an easy thing for you?

ADRIANNE: I think it was really a struggle for myself, not necessarily with my brothers and sisters but with mom because we were very close and I was afraid. But I think a lot of the fear I had, I might have projected myself. But it was hard. And the two-year process of getting through that and going on with our relationship was hard. But it was necessary.

SHIRLEY: I felt shocked and exceedingly bereft because for me as a parent and a single parent, I had a still life in my mind of my children's lives. But this was a whole different still life.

And I wanted 92 little Adriannes to come into the world because I felt she was so special as all my children. I could just see gobs and gobs and gobs of children, which is not my right to impose.

When I got over that, I felt there was no problem at all. If I had any resentment, it was that it was a fait accompli. And I could not object to it, or I was an outsider. But I feel nothing of that now. And I don't feel that I have gone through a metamorphosis that should be documented. I feel that it was an easy realization that you were genuine and that I must say, I feel great hope for Adrianne's future.

SPEAKER: Do you have fears for her, though, that you didn't have before you learned of her sexual preference?

SHIRLEY: Only fears of our society. I think there's such hatred out there for anyone who dares to be healthy in their own skin.

SPEAKER: What role does your mother's support play in dealing with those kinds of fears, Adrianne?

ADRIANNE: She plays a large role because she really, truly is one of my best friends, as are my brothers and sisters. And I really feel like my mom is also a real lady and a real-- just I respect her a lot. And so whether it's just me being a lesbian or just me in my work or being a person, I think she acts as a role model in how I deal with myself.

And in one way, mom has helped balance me at times where she said, don't forget that you're a person first. And you're a woman first. And also when I've been defensive about it, she might say, oh, cry daddy. Just take it easy. It's no problem. And I realized, yeah, I was a little defensive. She just wanted me to wear a skirt and didn't mean anything.

SPEAKER: Shirley, you're in the theater community. And I think it's no secret that there are many gay people in that community. Has your relationship with your daughter helped you in your relationship with your colleagues in that theatrical community?

SHIRLEY: It is two totally separate mindsets. Yes, there are many, many gays. I have lost many of them to AIDS, my friends. But it's still an individual thing. And my children come before anyone in the world. I hope that that's an unconditional love. And with the people I relate to in theater, whether they're gay, or straight, or whatever, it's what they are as people.

SPEAKER: If you had any advice to someone in your situation, Adrianne, who has not yet told their parents and find it a very difficult thing to do, afraid that they're going to lose their parents' love, what would you tell them?

ADRIANNE: I'm a firm believer, at least at this moment-- I think it changes with experiences-- that it is individual and that no one else can tell another person that, come on, tell your parents. Don't worry. They will still love you. And if they don't, it doesn't matter. Because one of my closest friends who just is too worried that her parents won't speak with her anymore.

And so I don't feel that you can tell another person. But I guess the advice I have is that be aware of what you project on your parents and what's your own fear and your own anger and your own guilt. And try to visualize the positive things that can come from it.

And I think if it's important to you, I think you need to do it. And do it in a positive way, meaning don't say, yeah. It's pretty terrible. I'm a lesbian. But you know what? I really love this person, or I'm a lesbian. And I love you. And I want you to know that.