Transcripts

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SPEAKER 1: In the past, it used to be that the mother was a mother at home. And when we got to the hospital, the mother was an outsider. And now we try to let the mother continue to be the mother in the hospital and the father to be the father, let them have the responsibilities along with the staff. They seem to handle that better. If you continue this communication and this aid all the way through, it keeps the process being a very live and vibrant process. The child doesn't come into the hospital and get isolated off.

We try to use our mental health people. And the mental health people are being used both to work with the family as well as the child through play activities. Oftentimes, we start an IV in the child, and we'll put an IV into his teddy bear as well. We'll give a shot to the teddy bear. s And we can see what the children, how they handle their activities. With the child, we never sneak in and just do something with a needle held behind our back. We tell them ahead of time of what we're going to do. And even a little child can comprehend that.

They may not like it very well, but it's very surprising to get done with the test and have a child smile back at you or want to give you a hug when you're done, that they know, and the child trusts you. That makes it a lot easier. I think it's only if he doesn't trust you, or you're lying to him, and you get caught in a lie that you're in big trouble.

SPEAKER 2: Not all the children Singer works with have cancer, but those who do learn of their serious diagnosis in an unusual way. Singer asks them, even the three- and four-year-olds, what it is they think is wrong with them. And a surprising number of them seem to know. He says letting them participate in the diagnosis is another way in which the child is allowed to become the chief actor in the drama that will be played out in the weeks and months ahead. And whether they live or die, giving them a major role in their own illness and its treatment is Singer's number one priority.

SPEAKER 1: A four-year-old who died at Children's about a year ago, the child had leukemia, knew about blood counts, surprisingly, at that child's age, knew that we'd used a lot of different drugs and things, and knew that we obviously were at the end of the line of what we could try. And that child made a decision to try an experimental drug.

He watched his blood counts. He knew his blood counts were supposed to go down if the medicine worked. He had five days of medicine. The blood counts continued to go up. And he decided that was enough medicine. He told his parents he'd had enough and basically then told them that he was going to die and, within two days time, did but completely relaxed and knew that everything had been tried. His parents were pretty relaxed with it too knowing that their child was really in command.

We also have a number of times when a child is getting ready to die that he'll pick the middle of the night when the parents aren't there. He'll call in a nurse or call in myself and have the parents leave the room. And then he'll die as soon as they leave the room, almost as if he's sparing them the agony of watching him die.

But the children are very alert to these kind of things. And whether they get a premonition that something's going to happen, I don't know. Children, unlike adults, don't give up, though. The adult, you'll say he has something wrong with them, and you can see the adult kind of give up right before your eyes.

The child has a tremendous amount of motivation and drive. And he's concerned with today, and he's not concerned with five years from now. And he forces you to work that much harder, to have the staff work that much harder, to make his parents support him longer. And he has much more get-up-and-go. And he really pulled the depressed parent up off the floor in order that he can do better.

And kids do. And they come back from a lot of tremendous odds against them. Maybe they just don't know better, but they're easier to work with. They make you work harder. I think they're more rewarding, thus, in that way to take care of. But the dying child, I think, very much can handle his death well. He looks for support. He doesn't look for pity. He doesn't look for people to grieve.

On the other hand, there's no reason that a parent can't come in and cry in front of a child. And we've had that happen a number of times where the parents finally have been convinced they can cry, they can show their emotions in front of the child. And the child will start to soothe the parents. He may be in pain. He may be uncomfortable. He may cry right along with the parents. And they tend to establish a totally new relationship then.

But I think we've learned through our various aids, through mental health, through just keeping our eyes open, learn what a child is capable of that was never really given credit for in the past.

[MARY TRAVERS, "RHYMES AND REASONS"] And the flowers

Are my sisters and my brothers

Their laughter and their loveliness

Would clear a cloudy day

And the song that I am singing

Is a prayer to nonbelievers

Come and stand beside us

We can find a better way